Barclays and the Call Centre

I know it's my fault. Jackie Wyeth, my local branch manager says it isn't and that I've done everything right, but I know it's my fault. I had accounts with Barclays. I closed them in December and I'm trying unsuccessfully to get a certificate of tax paid on the money on deposit so I can submit it to HM Revenue and Customs. This should not be hard.

So, today, when I received a letter telling me that I had closed my account in December 2008 so could not receive a tax certificate for the tax year closing in 2010, I decided that the whole place was peopled with aliens from the planet Fuckwittia. And I called, yet again, the call centre.

Now this is always hard. Remember, I have no accounts, so I have no way of typing in account numbers on the phone keypad. Even so they require a 16 digit number to be keyed in.

Usually, this one works: "**** **** **** ****" That is 16 stars. You usually have to enter them twice because, the first time, it doesn't understand them. The second time it realises that you must be too stupid to answer the question, so puts you through to the front line staff.

Today I got through to the front line who took my details, could see my closed accounts and put me through to an alleged manager. At the end of the call, one where I was substantially assertive, the clown of a manager (remember the planet name?) said "have a nice day!"

Barclays is not an American bank. I checked with her, despite knowing this to be the case. She thinks "have a nice day" is polite. She thinks it is part of Barclays Customer Service Policy to say it. And she was more than surprised when I complained about that, and she handled it badly. So badly that she "managed" to cut me off instead of putting me through to the complaints team.

I dialled again. This time 16 stars got me through to India, not the UK. And India had no access to my account. They also have, naturally, no understanding of UK geography, so my explanation that I was in Bracknell located me in Brackley, which they said was in Yorkshire, not Berkshire. She could not put me through to complaints "There is a very long hold" and said that in the branch "no-one answered the phone, they must be out" (10:45am - go figure) and "you must go to the branch"

So I gathered up my loin cloth, two days' supply of food, a tent, found my camel and went into town. Sorry, we're having a heat wave here!

Jackie was aghast.

Trust me, I know this could get boring and repetitive, so I've cut a lot out. But there are loads of folk at present who would like jobs in Customer Service, and Barclays really ought to have some empty positions soon!

I wonder when they'll learn that:

1. Their call centres really suck
2. Really, their call centres suck
3. Centralising things in call centres that suck is a bad, bad idea
4. Did I mention that their call centres suck?
5. Call centres outsourced to India suck worst of all.
6. Barclays have very sucky call centres.

Probably in a few years time.

Meanwhile Jackie will solve my problem for me.

Oh yes. Why is it my fault?

Well, I opened an account!